Are you a people pleaser?
This is a hot topic with a lot of my clients, so I thought I would do a post on what it is, and how to navigate it, and offer some suggestion to help you reclaim your power.
First off, people pleasers start out as parent pleasers - As a recovering people pleaser so I know this topic and the recovery process well.
When we people please, what we're trying to do in essence is control other people opinion of us.
It looks like self-abandonment and codependency.
It looks like saying YES to everything without checking to see if it's aligned first, because gain our self-worth by other people acceptance of us.
It looks like not having healthy boundaries, and not being connected to our own needs because we deem everyone else's needs more important than our own.
As a recovering people pleaser, I thought that this made me selfless. I thought it made me a good person. I thought it made me lovable - but in actuality, it made me emotionally disconnected, and it was actually a control tactic - because I was trying to control how others viewed me. FYI - we control when we don't trust ourselves and others.
Over time, if we don't have self awareness, this leads to resentment because we give until we are empty, we don't know how to receive, and are afraid to ask for our needs to be met because we we fear abandonment or rejection.
How did we get here? We got here by being in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze and FAWN, where we scan the room to figure out who we need to be in order to be loved and accepted. This is conditioned from a young age to seek love and safety, if I do this and they're good, then I can be good.
This is an exhausting ride. Anyone else relating to this? 🙋🏻♀️
Here are some things to ask yourself:
😳 Why am I saying yes to this?
😳 Is it because want to or because I feel I HAVE to?
😳 Does this bring me joy and happiness?
😳 Am I giving to get? or giving unconditionally bc I am abundant in what I am giving?
😳 Am I trying to control the way others see me?
An anchored feminine woman has healthy boundaries. She's unapologetic with her no and doesn't feel the need to explain and doesn't make up stories about what someone else thinks of her - because she knows who she is.
Worthy of love and being authentically herself. Here's to asking these questions, pausing and learning to say no to things that are not aligned unapologetically.
If you need some support and some journal prompts send me an email and I would be happy to support you firstname.lastname@example.org
Sending you all my love,