Reasons we struggle to love ourselves

Reasons we struggle to love ourselves

If you're struggling with loving yourself, it's because you've forgotten who you are. You actually don't SEE yourself, not through the eyes of someone who loves you - through the eyes of the creator, god, source - whatever you believe to be your higher power.

Here are some of the top reasons that we might struggle with the idea of loving ourselves, and some ways to turn the volume down on our inner critic.

1. We’re comparing ourselves to someone else which leaves us feeling like.

  • We’re not good enough.

  • We don’t deserve love and attention.

  • We believe that if we just had more money, better friends or a less stressful life, then this would all be so much easier.

Did you know that the only way we can ever feel NOT enough is when we are comparing ourselves to another? Because WHO isn't good enough? What IS good enough? Who are we NOT good enough for? Our egos.

    2. We're scared of letting go.

    This can be a very daunting task, especially if you've been struggling with self-love for a long time. But the more you practice letting go, the easier it becomes to release those things that are no longer serving you in your life.

    When we embrace the concept of self-love, we realize that our thoughts, feelings and beliefs are not permanent—they're fluid. They shift constantly as our lives change over time. 

    Not only is it beneficial to let go of things in our past (like painful memories or of that person who hurt us), but it's also helpful to acknowledge when something isn't working anymore and make changes accordingly.

    This might mean ending a toxic relationship or getting a new job or taking up different hobbies than what used to bring us pleasure before (or even all three!). And lastly: sometimes the hardest thing about loving yourself is simply realizing there's something holding you back from being happy. Maybe it's anxiety; maybe it's just not feeling good enough about yourself because everyone around you seems better than you at everything! Whatever your case may be, look within yourself first before blaming anyone. As hard as it is to hear, people are just mirrors showing us all the ways in which we are not free and or healed. It's never about "them" it's always about us.

    Radical responsibility for how we are feeling is the first step. I know it might seem like who is this woman talking about things that are impossible making it seem like a walk in the park. I am you. 

    I struggles for 4 decades! FOUR. I've been through some stuff that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but what I am sharing here with you today is what helped me get up out of the fetal position and start to learn to love myself back to wholeness. It's the reason that Worthy Wands was born. 

    3. We don't value our uniqueness and strengths enough.

    As human beings, we are all unique. We have our own strengths, weaknesses and quirks. But we often don't value our uniqueness and strengths enough. We want to be like "everyone else" but if we were like everyone else how interesting would this world be? 

    We need to be proud of who we are and go align with people who are proud of who they are and co-create magic together. Without YOUR magic and without theirs the world would be pretty dull and boring.

    4. We don't realize that self-love is a process.

    It's not a destination, it's a journey. It's a process. It takes time and practice. Time to understand ourselves and love ourselves the way that we need to be loved and or weren't loved growing up. The good news is that we aren't that little child anymore and we can reparent ourselves at any moment.

    5. We're pushing ourselves too hard.

    When we don’t recognize our limits, listen to our bodies and take time to recover, we can end up doing more harm than good. This can be especially true if we are not prioritizing our own health and well-being enough.

    We need to set boundaries on what kinds of things we will or won’t do for other people and make sure that these choices are aligned with our values and priorities—including taking care of ourselves first! Boundaries aren't about other people, it's about protecting ourselves and our energy.

    If you want to start being more loving yourself —and feel better as a result— start treating yourself with kindness and respect from the inside out. If you don't go within, you will always go without because you set the standard for how others will treat you, but how you treat yourself.

    6. We're running through an endless list of what "should be."

    It may seem like the world is full of people who are constantly telling you what you should be doing, how you should be eating, and what you should wear. It's easy to get caught up in this endless list of "shoulds."

    But this type of comparison can make us feel like we're never good enough. And when we're constantly comparing ourselves to other people, it can also make us feel as if our identity is wrapped up in external appearance or accomplishments—not who we are at our core.

    So here's my advice: don't let anyone else define your worthiness or self-worth by comparing yourself to them. Figure out what makes YOU valuable. Own your unique gifts and talents! Celebrate those instead of worrying about whether or not someone else has something that you don't. The only reason they have it, is because THEY DECIDED what they wanted and went after it. 

    7. We haven't addressed the root of the issue.

    You may have experienced a trauma that caused you to believe that the world is an unsafe place, so it's difficult for you to trust others and open yourself up.

    Look at your life is reverse and take note of any themes that present themselves. Are those themes still present today?

    The truth is there are many reasons why we struggle to love ourselves, but our inability to do so might stem from an underlying issue that is begging for our attention.

    Get some support with this if this becomes too overwhelming to go at it alone. 

    8. We’re waiting for someone else to love us, first.

    It’s not a matter of whether or not you are worthy of love. You are. You are whole and complete just as you are, and your beauty is something that is uniquely yours alone.

    But some of us need to hear that from someone else before we can begin to see it ourselves. And then there will be other times when we need to feel loved by the person who says those words in order for them to have meaning. And because humans are complicated creatures with lots of feelings, these situations happen all too often: We expect others to meet our needs before they even know what they are; we wait for others to show us affection before offering it back; and worst yet, we expect someone else (or multiple someones) will save us from ourselves when really only one person can ever do that—and guess what? That person is you!

    If you want to really genuinely start to feel love for yourself, you need to start with a solid understanding of who you are, what's important to you, and what you want in life.

    This is the first step. Is it easy, no, it is worthwhile - YESSSS. If you're ready to give this a go, then I recommend having an honest conversation with yourself about yourself and your true feelings on these subjects. They are more important than you realize.

    Have a look at your standards. Do you have high standards in some areas, and none in others? Do you have high standards for other people but low standards for yourself? This might be why you're always left disappointed and misunderstood.

    If you find yourself struggling, try to remember that it's okay. We all go through difficult times and having compassion for yourself is the first step in the process of healing. Remember a caterpillar has to turn to complete mush before it becomes a butterfly and then it need to fight like heck to get out of the cocoon.

    Go easy, you're worth it, and you loving yourself isn't selfish, it's essential because then you have a self to share with others.

    All my love,

    Amanda xx - Chief Worthiness Officer - Worthy Wands

    Update: There is an update to this blog Read Part 2 

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