Why do we feel unworthy and compromise ourselves?
Let’s be honest: we all feel unworthy sometimes.
Sometimes we feel like we’re not good enough. We struggle to fit in and often think that we don’t matter. We tend to be extremely self-critical, focusing on all the things we don't like about ourselves, our failures instead of on our strengths. We feel like we have to be "perfect" and successful before we can have value.
We've been exposed to these messages since childhood: from our parents, well-meaning teachers, our friends, and the media. It is always the same message: worth must be proven or earned. But this is a lie! Our self-worth is inherent and cannot be given or taken away by anyone else. We all have value because we exist, and the only person that decides our worth is us.
It’s time to change the narrative about who you are and how you see yourself, because how you see yourself is how you see the world.
Some ways we compromise our self-worth unknowingly
Perfectionism - We think that we need to be perfect in order to be worthy of love, but perfection doesn't exist and it's actually the lowest standard there is because there is no room found inside perfection. Our only reason for being here is growth, and in order to grow, it means we need to learn and fail forward. Making mistakes is actually how your brain learns - celebrate your mistakes, it means your growing!
People Pleasing - We try to please everyone all the time. We do this to validate our worthiness. If they approve of me, I must be worthy of love. Continually seeking validation and acceptance from others is not only exhausting, it's also a form of self sabotage because we are making someone else's needs more important than our own. We self abandon in order to please someone else so they won't abandon us.
Comparisonitis - We constantly compare ourselves to others instead of focusing on what really matters. This is really harmful to our self worth because we are comparing ourselves against someone else's highlight reel and shaming ourselves for not having or being where they are. Comparing our chapter one to maybe their chapter 20. Always an unfair comparison and one that leaves you feeling defeated. Because our Thoughts → Feelings → Actions → Results. So if we aren't thinking high quality thoughts it affects how we show up and the actions we take in the world.
Overworking - Being busy and overworking has become a badge of honor. We brag about how much we're doing and how little we sleep. We judge ourselves based on how hard we work and how much we accomplish. We work long hours to prove our worthiness. This obsession with productivity is dangerous. It's ripping us away from the people and things that really matter in our lives and leaving us exhausted, unhappy, and unfulfilled—and that's when we're lucky enough to avoid burnout entirely. But here's what I want to tell you: You ARE good enough. You don't need to do ANYTHING else to prove it—not one more thing.
Negative self-talk - It's hard to believe in yourself if you're constantly putting yourself down. You wouldn't be your best friend's worst enemy, so why do it to yourself? Instead of saying things like "I'll never get a job" or "I'm too out of shape to go to the gym," try saying something like "I'm interviewing for jobs next week and I feel confident." Replace negative thoughts with positive ones and watch your self-esteem soar!
These are just a few of the ways we can unknowingly compromise our self-worth, but the most common and damaging way is by conflating our value with our productivity and performance.
When you believe that your worth is determined by what you do, it means that if you don't do anything or aren't perceived as having done well, then you have no value. This can be very harmful. First, it encourages a false belief that the only way to have value is to be a successful high performer at everything you do—a goal which is nearly impossible to achieve.
Second, it means that when something doesn't go your way or you make a mistake, you're likely to become depressed or hopeless because it feels like you've lost your worth as a person. Remember, mistakes means your brain is learning. Celebrate!
Here's the truth, your worth has nothing to do with how much money you make or whether or not you win an award for something. If you're in a relationship or a blue check on social media.
Your worth comes from the fact that you exist, and it's completely independent of anything else in the world. Not only does this mean that your worth will never be compromised by anything else, but it means that YOU get to decide what your worth is, not someone else!
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Your creator gave you worth at birth, and the only time you lose it, is when you give it away. Let's not do that anymore mmmkkkk?