Advice to my younger self

I recently saw a bunch of people I hadn’t seen since high school and, in many cases, since elementary school. I didn’t recognize most of them at first glance, but gradually the features that were familiar all those years ago started to surface and I began to remember who was who. Some had changed very little over the years; others looked so different that it was hard for me even to consider them as the same person who had been my classmate so many years before. What really struck me, though, were the personalities of these people—some traits that were there from childhood still existed; others had disappeared over time and been replaced by new ones.

As I talked with these former classmates about their lives now—their careers, their families—I realized something: For all of us our lives have taken turns we did not expect or plan for; most of our lives are not exactly what we thought they would be when we were younger and just starting out on our journey through life. And yet there are also parts of our lives that are exactly as we imagined they would be when we set out on our journey into adulthood.

One question kept recurring throughout my discussions with these people: “What advice would you give your younger self?” Of course, it is easy now to look back at one’s life and say “I should have done this…or done that…and things would have turned out better for me now! …But if I could go back in time and talk with younger self in elementary school or high school what advice could I give myself then? I would tell her:

You are enough

"You are enough, and there is nothing more to be done."

This is a variation on what I've always known to be true: you don't need anything else or anyone else in order to be happy. You already have yourself, and that's all you need.

I think this was the single most important lesson I learned on my healing journey. When we can learn not only how to accept ourselves but also celebrate ourselves, we pave the way for self-acceptance by others. Self-love and self-care are fundamental components of personal growth, which will lead us down paths that bring us closer together with others along our journey through life--or at least make them easier for everyone involved!

You are worthy

• You are worthy of love, no matter what you've done or who you've hurt.

• You are worthy of being heard, even if your opinion is unpopular or different from those around you.

• You are worthy of being respected, even if others don't agree with your choices and opinions all the time — especially when they disagree!

• You are worthy of being cared for and looked after by someone who wants to help make your life better in every way possible, including emotionally as well as physically.

• And last but not least: YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING SEEN FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE! That means, you have to lose the masks and show up as you.

You are loved

You are loved. You are loved by your family, friends and community. You are loved by God, the universe and the world.

If you do not believe me, please take a moment to be still with yourself and ask: "What is my spirit telling me?" Your spirit will whisper that you are also loved by people who don't even know you yet — those with whom you have not had a chance to interact.

Even if someone has hurt you or made it difficult for you to trust them, they still love you unconditionally because we all come from love itself — the essence of life itself! ( this is something that has profoundly changed me ) Learn to lead with love always, all ways. It is the key to an abundant life.

You are valuable

You are valuable. You are worth it. You are capable of anything you set your mind to, and I want you to know that the world is waiting for your greatness to shine through. The world needs you and your light, so please don't dim it in order to make other people more comfortable! The world you are growing into needs more light.

You deserve love, respect, admiration and all that comes with being a human being on this planet with all its beauty and imperfections. Trust me when I say that no matter how many times someone tells you otherwise or makes you feel like less than: YOU ARE WORTH IT!

You are beautiful

I would tell my younger self that she is beautiful.

I would tell her that she is beautiful on the inside and outside.

I would tell her that she shouldn't listen to people who say things about her appearance, because it's impossible for them to know who she is on the inside. Looks fade. A beautiful heart remains.

I would tell her that she should focus on herself and not worry about other people's opinions of her. 

I would also remind myself that I am unique in this world, and I shouldn't compare myself to others or try to be someone else because it won't work out well in the long run (it doesn't matter if you look like Jennifer Aniston or JLO, I even tried the modeling thing looking for that external validation, but no one and nothing outside of you can validate you, but you. The only thing you should ever seek to validate in life if your parking ticket.)

You are amazing

You are amazing. You are awesome. You are incredible. You are talented, smart and capable of so much more than you think you can do. The world needs you to be a part of it and you will make a difference for the better in people's lives by just being who you are. Other people have their talents and skills and you have yours. Not better. Different. Learn to collaborate. We rise togetHER.

I would to tell my younger self that she doesn't need to change anything about herself except maybe their attitude toward certain things like mindset. I would remind her of what I know to be true today, that just because you think a thought doesn't make it true. Especially the unhelpful ones. Those are not your thoughts. Those are the thoughts of another. Learn to question yours, I promise you, this will make life a lot easier.

You are capable

“You are capable of anything. You just have to believe in yourself.”

It's easy to think that we aren't good enough, smart enough, talented enough, pretty enough or any other "enough" that society tells us we should be. But do we really want our lives defined by the things that others say we deserve and what others think it possible for us? How could they even know if they aren't us? They can't. Their opinion is just that, an opinion. Not a fact. Thank them for it, and keep the change.

Your struggles matter

You’re not alone. You will read this over and over again, but it is true: you are not alone. Your struggles matter, and they need to be addressed seriously, slowly and over and over again until they make sense. It may feel like no one understands or cares about your struggles because they aren’t visible or tangible like a broken bone or a wound that can heal in time, your pain lives within you—where it can fester without anyone noticing its presence until it has seeped into every aspect of who you are as a person. Don't let that happen! Remember that your struggles are only part of who you are—they do not define who you are as an individual. They might be important parts of what makes up the whole picture of “you." Remember that there are people out there who do care about what's happening with your life. Don't make permanent decisions on temporary feelings. Breathe baby girl breathe.

Know your worth

Understand that you are the one that determines your worth and value. You decide. No one else. You are important and valuable, no matter how much money is in your bank account or what kind of car sits outside in the driveway or what type of clothes hang in your closest; none of those things matter nearly as much as who you are inside and the way you see and speak to yourself every day. You can only ever love another to the degree in which you can love yourself. 

You’re worth it. You’re enough just as you are. If I could tell my younger self this, I would. It was a long journey for me to learn that—and even now, sometimes those voices of doubt and negativity creep in. But when they do, I remind myself of all the “you are's”: you are enough; you are worthy; you are loved; you are valuable; you are beautiful; etc. No one is more deserving of love than yourself, so take care of yourself by remembering these things. 

Please feel free to share with someone that might need to sit down and have a little conversation with their younger self.

All my love, 

Amanda - Chief Worthiness Officer Worthy Wands